Now playing: Just As I AM
In the place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room. There were no distinguishing features save for the one wall covered with small index card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endlessly in either direction, had very different headings.
As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was the one that read, "Girls I Have Liked". I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one. And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was.
The lifeless room with it's small files was a crude catalog system for my life. It was my heart! Here, were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn't match.
A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with humor, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content. Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching.
A file named, "Friends" was next to one marked, "Friends I Have Betrayed". The titles ranged from mundane to outright weird. "Books I Have Read", "Lies I Have Told", "Comfort I Have Given", "Jokes I Have Laughed At".
Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: "Things I've Yelled At My Brother". Others I couldn't laugh at: "Things I Have Done In My Anger", "Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath At My Parents". I never ceased to be surprised by the contents. Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes less than I hoped. The sheer volume of the life I had lived overwhelmed me. Could it be possible that I had the time in my 40 years to write each of these thousands or even millions of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature.
When I pulled out the file marked, "Songs I Have Listened To", I realized the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly, and yet after two or three yards, I hadn't found the end of the file. I shut it, ashamed, not so much by the quality of music, but more by the vast amount of time I knew the file represented.
When I came to the file marked, "Lustful Thoughts"; I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test the size, and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content. I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded. An almost animal rage broke upon me. One thought dominated my mind: "No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them!"
In my insane frenzy, I yanked the file out. It's size didn't matter now. I had to empty it and destroy the cards. But as I took it at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it.
Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh. And then I saw it. The title bore, "People I Have Shared The Gospel With". The handle was brighter than those around it. It was newer and almost unused. I pulled on it's handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand.
And then the tears came. I began to weep uncontrollably. Sobs so deep that the hurt started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of these shelves swirled in my tear filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must find a way to lock it up and hide the key.
But then, as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him. No, please not Him. Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus. I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn't bear to watch His response. And in the moments that I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own. He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes. Why did He have to read every one? Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn't anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again. He walked over and put His arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He didn't say a word. He just cried with me.
Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name over mine on each card. "No!" I shouted, rushing to Him. All I could find to say was, "No, no", as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldn't be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood.
He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards. I don't think I'll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side. He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, "It Is Finished".
Friday the 13th of November 1992
My friend, there is a room which is your heart that contains the contents of your life. Good or bad, it does not matter. You cannot be good enough to live forever with the Holy God in heaven. And you cannot have been bad enough that His wonderful grace will not save you.
In the room above, you will notice that there was a file marked, "People I Have Shared The Gospel With". I was a good church member, I had been baptized, and I was even married to a preacher's daughter. But, I was lost and on my way to hell. I had plenty of religion. But, I had no redeemer.
Religion has sent and is sending more people to hell than any other thing. The reason for this is not because religion is bad, but because far too many people trust in or depend upon religion for salvation. There really are only two religions in the world and they are the Do's and the Done's. The Do's are those who say that if you want to go to heaven, you must do certain things and you must not do other certain things. Living by these rules may make one a better person, but they are still sinners and lost and on their way to hell. The Done's are those who have heard the real Gospel of Jesus Christ and believed that He has already done it all when He paid their sin debt in full upon that cross at Calvary.
The reason most people don't believe in Christianity is because they have never met a real Christian. The truth is you need Jesus Christ to forgive you of your every sin and to become your Lord and Saviour. If you have never trusted Him as Your Saviour, I urge you to do so right now before it is eternally too late. If you believe that you are a sinner in need of a Saviour and you believe that Jesus Christ has paid your sin debt in full, call upon Him right now and He will surely save you.
And if you have just taken that wonderful step of faith, it would be a real blessing and encouragement to my own heart if you would write to me an tell me about it. God bless you!